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Email me at hello@mikeoliver.org

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For The Curious

1. Michael isn’t my first name. Oddly, not even in the heat of anger have my parents called me by my first name.
2. I buy LPs. I don’t know why. I rarely listen to them, but they bring me great comfort everytime I look at them.
3. I buy books too. But I do read them. Nothing beats the feeling I get when I have time to go to the book shelf, choose a good book and read for fun.
4. I despise hardback books.
5. My school team mascots and colors have been going down hill as I advance in my educational endeavours. In grade school we were the Knights (how cool is that?) and our colors were blue and white. Then it was the Tigers and the black and gold in high school. Then things took a sharp turn for the worse. The Lord Jeffs?!?! (and if that weren’t embarrasing enough, our women’s teams were the Lady Jeffs). To make matters worse, the colors were purple and white (A quick side note: Lord Jeff is best known for introducing germ warfare to the Americas i.e. smallpox infested blankets). Law school, as it turned out, provided no relief. Purple and white again, but this time… this time… I am a Violet.
6. I’ve come to learn that Stephen Dunn has an appropriate poem for every occassion.
7. I have never been the go to guy. But I always know who and where the go to guy is.
8. Tim and Bret learned whiskey from me. I can’t claim Doug.
9. My first girlfriend introduced me to poetry and chess. I never got to say thank you.
10. I have only cried at one movie. It was The Fox and the Hound and I was 7.
11. Oddly enough, Fox and the Hound is also the name of my favorite bar in DC. I don’t cry, however, when I am there.
12. As an adult, only Armegeddon has come close to bringing me to tears (go figure).
13. I am horribly afraid of bugs (even butterflies).
14. When I was six, a reporter asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said that I wanted to be a “diver” I meant like Jaques Cousteau. He thought I meant like Greg Louganis. I was distraught when I read the article. “The damn reporter got it wrong” I remember thinking. My healthy skepticism of the media began right then and there.
15. Somewhere in my elementary school’s library is a book I wrote (and illustrated) when I was 6 about a robot that lost its owner.
16. I wonder why they actually gave it a dewey decimal number and put it in the library (I should go try and find it).
17. I used to hate going to the beach. I thought that I was afraid of fish. Turns out I was just afraid of dark green water that I couldn’t see through (read Lake Erie) and the unseen things that brushed against my leg. Once I got to the Cayman islands and went scuba diving I realized I liked fish just fine - when I could see them coming.
18. I don’t know if it was a ghost or my imagination, but when I was a kid, I was afraid of the basement because everytime I stood at the top of the stairs I could see a small child standing at the bottom. He had a slight glow about him. I haven’t seen or thought about that kid in ages, but I still hate going to my parents basement.
19. One time I hurt my head on the playground. I told my brother to wait there and that I would be back. I ran home to get bandaged up. My mom, having her hands full with me, sent a kind neighbor to collect my brother. He refused to leave the playground because I had told him to stay there until I got back. I think he still doesn’t trust me to this day.
20. When my brother and I walk around with my mom, I always wonder what people are thinking when they see two 6+ foot black men trapsing around with a 58 year old white lady.
21. When I was young, people used to stare at my family when we went out to eat at a restaurant.
22. When I was young, we never went out to eat when we visited my relatives in Alabama. I don’t think I realized until I was in my 20s that it probably wasn’t ok for my mom to be out with us back then.
23. I wish my grandmother was still alive. I think I am the only one that got her dominant genes and I would love to talk with her about it.
24. There are 4 ministers in my family. 3 on my dads side and one on my moms side.
25. I am trying to read the bible end to end for the umpteenth time. I keep forgetting where I left off and constantly have to start over.
26. My friends have no idea how much I cherish them.
27. I am very jealous of my friend Luke who seems to have heard, seen and read everything (and still manages to make a living). If he never consumed another piece of media for the rest of his life I still couldn’t catch up.
28. I still want to grow up to be a fireman, a police officer or the President of the United States
29. I have met the girl of my dreams 3 times. And I have let each and every one of them go with out so much as a word.
30. I went to highschool with some of the smartest, most confident and kind women on the planet. They raised the bar before I even got started. Thank you.
31. I despise frosting, unless it is spice cake with cream cheese frosting. Otherwise, I like my cake plain ol’ chocolate.
32. My favorite dessert is warm blueberry pie with chocolate ice cream on top.
33. I am a strict segregationist when it comes to nuts and desserts. Please don’t ruin an otherwise delicious brownie, cake or pie by adding pecans, walnuts or almonds. Same goes for fruit. Nothing makes me madder than diving into a delicious chocolate cake only to find a marachino cherry tucked in there. Booooooooooooo.
34. I recently started enjoying wine. I don’t know anything about it, and never remember to write down the name so that I can have it again.
35. My roomate’s name is Oliver. This gets quite confusing.
36. The first movie I ever saw was Popeye starring Robin Williams. I was 6.
37. When I was in first grade, my parents let me walk 3 quarters of a mile to school (across a 5 lane road) unaccompanied. If I allow my children to do that (when I have them), I will lose custody.
38. I know Bret is secretly thrilled that we are all following his lead on this.
39. I still choose to sit in the “way-back” of the car whenever I am given the opportunity.
40. I lost my first election when I ran for the captain of the crossing guard team in 5th grade. I lost most heavily amongts those who cited moral values as their most important campaign issue.
41. I hate phones.
42. I once went a year and a half without a cell phone or home phone.
43. I have worked for two start-ups. These experiences will make it difficult for me to ever work in a large corporate environment.
44. On the first day of law school, I met my roomate and it turned out he was from Ohio too. When I asked him when he graduated, he said “1999.” I explained that I meant high school. He said, “1999.” I had been out of college and working for two years when he graduated from high school… In many ways, he is still older than me.
45. At this moment, Illume by Fleetwood Mac, Stir of Echoes by J-Live, It’s Them by Themselves and I Got The… (blues) by Labi Siffre are on the Heavy Rotation on my iPod.
46. Irish Whiskey - Strictly Jameson. Of all the bourbons, Woodford Reserve or Basil Hayden. I like Talisker for scotch. I rarely drink beer, but a Budweiser will suffice if one of the aforementioned cocktails is in tow. In warm weather, a Vodka Gimlet. In cold, a Nutty Irishman.
47. I have come to learn that if I try and read a book several times and never seem to finish it… the book just isn’t good to me. Even if I cannot put my finger on why.
48. Books that fall into this category are Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie (despite what might be the most vivid and fun opening sequence to a book in history) and Ulysses by James Joyce
49. I have been eating up the poetry of Billy Collins recently. He has the ability to find the hilarious in the solemn and the mundane.
50. I thought I would never hit 50.
51. I have a painting on my wall done by my good friend Tim. It consistently gets more praise from visitors than the De Kooning print or the photo of the Sojourner Truth plate done for Judy Chicago’s Dinner Party exhibition.
52. I enjoy it more than any art (original or reprodcution) I have ever owned.
53. I don’t think I have told Tim that.
54. I am currently devouring two books about democracy and goverment and loving every moment of it.
55. Sadly, neither of them is my Con Law text book.
56. I talk to my mom 4-5 five times a week (I guess that makes me a momma’s boy).
57. My folks lived in Manhattan in the early 70s. That must have been a blast.
58. My favorite painting is Woman I by Willem De Kooning.
59. I like it because it was the subject of an out and out brawl in my art history class and the beginning of my love of art.
60. You can have the Louvre, the Met and MOMA. I will take the Cleveland Museum of Art any day.
61. I drink 7 cups of coffee a day.
62. Despite this fact, I am always confused as to why I can’t fall asleep until 3 in the morning.
63. I can read and sleep anywhere as long as it is loud. I once fell asleep on a Bass Amp while working security on stage for the Roots - DURING THE SHOW. I read no less than 20 novels in completing my college degree in English Literature while working as a bouncer.
64. During college I worked security for and met, Bob Dylan, Wyclef and Lauryn Hill, The Bare Naked Ladies, Coolio, Shawn Colvin, Dinosaur Jr., The Roots, and The Cowboy Junkies.
65. I am currently taking applicantions from any young ladies who want to bring home the bacon so that I can be a stay at home dad.
66. I mostly became who I am in high school, not college.
67. My high school was bigger than both my college and my law school.
68. I cook a mean breakfast. The only other thing I can cook is meat and fish. If you are looking for a side dish, you are on your own.
69. I have finally realized that a person’s natural instinct is to reduce a city down to a manageable size. Sure, New York is bigger and better than Washington, DC. But I am really only comparing The Village to Adams Morgan. Everything outside of The Village may as well be New Hampshire. Everything outside of Adams Morgan, Mississippi.
70. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but when I retire, I will open the perfect coffee shop.
71. Despite being an avid smoker, I love the smoking ban in New York.
72. I have never been cow-tipping. Despite its cruelty, I bet it is hilarious.
73. Outside of the cities I have lived in, I have spent the most time in Alabama.
74. All of my favorites, whether people, books, music, art, or pastimes, have come to my attenton completely by chance. I try to remember this ever time I find myself trying too hard to appreciate something.
75. I didn’t see The Breakfast Club until I was 23. Somethings have a time and place.
76. I stopped going to Blockbuster and Hollywood video when I tried to rent Casablanca and the clerk told me they didn’t carry that title. It was Hollywood video, but I banned Blockbuster by association.
77. I have been in search of the perfect block since I graduated from college. A perfect block has an excellent coffeeshop, a top notch independent movie rental place, a grocery store within three blocks and a corner bar. It took me seven years, but I currently live on the perfect block.
78. As far as I am concerned, the fact that mainstream papers still allow Aaron McGruder to publish The Boondocks is the first hard and fast proof that there is a God and he is just.
79. I think brown and orange go together (as only a true Browns fan can).
80. My brother and I used to share a room. One day I declared that I could no longer live with him and that he had to move to the guest room. My brother (being the smart one) claimed that he liked living with me just fine and that if I wanted to live alone that I had to move out. And with that, my brother secured the largest bed room in the house (including my parents).
81. I don’t follow rules very well, so I am going to stop at 81.